Sorry, Not Sorry: the power of owning who you are

Dun Dun Dun.....it's me!

Intro

Hello, everyone! I’M BACK! Did you miss me? Because I sure missed you all!

I’ve decided to step away from the narratives for a while and get back to writing about what truly matters to me—mental health and deep life stuff. That’s the real me. Writing about these topics makes me feel like I’m making a positive impact on others, and I love playing with words to express these thoughts.

Over the time I’ve been away, I had a ton of homework, tests, and even a speech to prepare for. But I also had some free time, which I spent reading. I believe all the words I absorbed while reading can really help me with this blog post today.

So, this entry is all about apologies, and I want to start by giving a genuine one: I’m really sorry for being MIA for so long. Honestly, it’s been way too long, and I truly missed sharing my thoughts with you. But I’m back now, and I’m committed to updating regularly!

Without further ado, let’s dive into the topic.

How many times a day do you find yourself saying "sorry," even when you don't really mean it? Not because you've done something wrong, but because you feel like you should apologize. Apologizing for taking up space, having an opinion, using someone's time, or setting a boundary.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that politeness equals apologizing. We’ve been taught that, in order to keep the peace and be likable or attractive in the eyes of others, we must shrink ourselves. But what if this constant apologizing is actually holding us back?

When and Why Apologies Become a Reflex

There’s a big difference between a genuine apology and the automatic “sorry” we throw out without thinking. Apologizing when you’ve hurt someone you love is necessary—it shows accountability and care. But apologizing simply because you asked a question, spoke up, or needed something? That’s self-sabotage.

Many people who struggle with people-pleasing have made apologizing their default reaction. They've tucked it away in their back pocket and started apologizing for things that don’t require guilt. It’s a small habit, but it slowly makes you appear meek and chips away at your confidence.

Here are my three reasons why you should stop over-apologizing:

1. It diminishes your worth.

Constantly saying “sorry” when you haven’t done anything wrong can make you seem uncertain and weak.

2. It weakens the value of your words.

Words are powerful, and they should be treated with respect. If you apologize too often, your real apologies lose meaning. When you genuinely need to express remorse, they might not be taken as seriously.

3. It teaches others how to treat you.

If you constantly apologize for existing or asserting yourself, people will assume you don’t have boundaries. They’ll treat your needs as optional, and you’ll become a doormat if you let them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I see this in my friends sometimes. My love language is teasing, and I enjoy it when my friends tease me back—it’s fun, lighthearted banter. But occasionally, a friend will stop mid-conversation and say, “Just kidding, sorry.” That feels like an unnecessary apology, one that takes away from the fun of the moment. Instead of engaging in the exchange, they’re apologizing for speaking at all.

When they do this, I immediately respond with, “Why are you saying sorry? We haven’t done anything wrong or out of the ordinary. We’re both involved, and nothing happened.”

I believe I don’t struggle with confidence. I’m a pretty confident person and have never been shy about publicly speaking or talking to adults. I enjoy voicing my opinion and making my presence known. Sometimes, this might come off as loud or even annoying to some. But to me, it’s about being confident and having a firm trust in myself. That being said, even I find myself apologizing at times—and that’s okay.

Instead of saying, “Hey, sorry, can I come in?” try, “Hi, do you have a minute?” Both phrases achieve the same goal, but one makes you sound like an afterthought, while the other makes you come across as uplifted, like your presence matters in that moment.

Own what you’re doing. Be responsible for who you are. Be in the moment. Be unapologetic.

Being unapologetic doesn’t mean being rude. There’s a big difference between owning your worth and being dismissive or arrogant. It’s about self-respect. You deserve to take up space, speak your mind, and simply exist without feeling guilty. "Not sorry" doesn’t mean refusing to acknowledge mistakes or disregarding other people's feelings. It means standing by your values and speaking with confidence.

So next time you feel that urge to pause and apologize, ask yourself: Am I truly sorry, or am I afraid that I’m putting myself out there and being “too much”? The truth is, you’re not too much, and you don’t have to apologize for who you are.

Sorry, not sorry.

-AMS